Steel or Silver Kisses
by Cascadia90210
Summary: After Edward leaves he is in pain. So he goes back, just to see her. And he finds her cutting herself. I have decided to keep writing. Please read and review. As requested, beginning of extended version will be posted this Friday.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my second Fan Fic, and I'm still working on Tale of James, I'm just a little stuck and didn't want to waste bandwith and get your hopes up for another chapter only for you to see a long author's note telling you I have writers block. No offense to author's who do that. Anyway... I saw all the stories of Bella cutting, so I decided to write one. Please Read and Review.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I don't own, so you can't sue.

I was remembering. That's what the therapist said to do. Remember the good time. The good times would cause too much pain. So I remembered the bad. I remembered when I left her in the woods and joined my family in Alaska. I sat in my room unmoving for the first few hours. The scene just kept replaying in my head over and over. The words meaningless, but the pain in those beautiful brown eyes ripped me apart again and again. I looked around the room Tanya had set up for me. My music in various boxes, my stereo not yet plugged in, and my black couch. If my eyes could have watered, they would have at the sight of the couch. _She_ had sat on that couch. I wanted to go over to it, just to smell it. _STOP!_, I scolded myself. I sat there for hours trying to overcome the urge to run back to Bella, to beg her for forgiveness, to beg her to take me back. That night, I broke the couch with a few well aimed punches.

The next day I tried listening to music, but every song on every CD reminded me of her. I threw every disk into the small waste basket and as I crushed the waste basket in my hands a dry sob escaped my lips. The next thing I destroyed was my stereo. I hurled it into the forest outside of the house. My family begged me to talk to them, but I shooed them away, closing myself within the boundaries of my mind. Esme hid how much I was hurting her the best. But after I heard Carlisle trying to quiet Esme's tearless sobs, I tried harder. I went hunting, spoke more, I even went shopping with Alice. But at the end of each day, I came home and stared out the window, wondering what she was doing.

One day, Tanya proposed a movie night. Emmet and Jasper dragged me in front of the television to join them. In the middle of the movie I looked at my family. Tanya was wrapped in the arms of her newly found beloved, Anthony. Rosalie was nibbling seductively on Emmett's ear, and Emmett was having trouble concentrating on _Van Helsing_. Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap and while they were actually watching the movie, Jasper's hand was rubbing Alice's leg. Esme and Carlisle were staring into each other's eyes as if there was no one else in the world. I pinched the bridge of my nose as their thoughts broke the barrier I had set around myself. I cringed at Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper's sickeningly sensual thoughts but what broke me was Carlisle.

_Does she truly believe that she cares more for me than I do for her?_

They echoed almost exactly what I said to her before that night in the forest. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out of the confines of the house. Tanya's movie night reminded me all too much of the times before I met her, every one in the family was paired off but me. A growl erupted from my chest and I jumped off of the couch. Everyone's attention snapped to me, but I didn't care. My anger was boiling inside of me. I was so tired of being alone. But I had to be alone, so she would be better. So she would be safe. I was doing the right thing. Wasn't It? My eyes snapped around, I needed to break something. My piano. The piano at which she had looked at me with amazement shining in her eyes when I played her lullaby for her.

"Edward, no, please don't!" Alice said. But her words fell on deaf ears. I grabbed one of the legs out from under it and snapped it effortlessly. I used the leg to beat the keys of the piano to bits. I ripped the wood apart. Any part of it I could get my hands, feet, teeth, on, was destroyed. In about three seconds I had turned a grand piano into a pile of sawdust, scraps, strings, broken keys, and metal. Exhaling jaggedly I stomped on all the pieces and then lifted the unmarred bench into my cold hands and threw it out of the window. As the glass shattered around the living room I ran out the door and without a backwards glance, turned away from my family.

Traveling. Tracking. Running. Hunting. She was on my mind with every activity. At one point I felt the hole in my heart that her absence had left. I curled into a ball holding myself against the pain. There was no way to escape it. It was inside of me, outside of me, and it should have killed me. _Vampires can't feel pain like this_, I thought while trying to cry tears once again. I'd had enough. The pain was too much. It needed to end. Days later I found myself in the airport. As I was about to ask for a plane ticket to Italy, I heard her voice.

_Edward, no! I forbid you to hurt yourself._

I turned my head franticly, trying to catch a glance of her.

_Edward, you can't go to Italy!_

I froze. She was speaking to me! Her voice was echoing through my head. I wanted to hear it again. I said to the petrified receptionist. "One ticket to Italy, please."

She whimpered _Edward._

"Never mind," I said and turned away and walked out of the airport. My mind racing. I was calculating quietly, I had to hear her voice again.

I never did. I went back different airports several times, but I think she knew I wouldn't step on a plane, not when there was a chance that I could see her again. I needed to see her again. The desperation clawed at my stomach, my heart, until I couldn't take it any longer. The next thing I knew, I was running back to Forks. My mantra was repeating again and again in my head. _If she's happy I'll go. If she's sad I'll stay. If she's happy I'll go. If she's sad I'll stay._ I ran to the familiar house and had to stop myself from instinctively climbing into her window. I noted that Charlie wasn't home, but I knew she was. I listened for her footsteps, her heartbeat, her breathing. She wasn't on the first floor. I used the spare key under the mat and slipped in the house. _Just go in, see if she looks happy and then leave,_ I thought to myself.

I silently, slipped upstairs. I heard her moving around in her room. The fact that she was so near must have been what made me lose my balance. I tripped on the last step and the _clunk _sounded louder in the silence of this house. I froze.

I heard a pained hiss. She was in pain. Unthinkingly I burst into her room, and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Are you alright?" I asked.

Her eyes were clouded with pain and she went limp in my arms, and that was when the enchanting scent filled my nostrils. I smelled the blood that was dripping from the cuts in her arm. I pushed her away from me. I shook her, "Bella?" the bloody knife clattered loudly to the floor. My vision and memory blurred after that. But two things echoed in my head. The smell of her blood and how my pathetic attempts to keep the scent in my memory faded in comparison. The floral scent that I had once associated with her, blew away in a nonexistent breeze. She smelled a thousand times better than I could ever imagine. And my pitiful attempts to remember that smell circled my head now. Along with Carlisle thoughts when he ended up by my side in Bella's room _Alice saw her. We've got to get her out of here now. Edward, you need to leave._

At first I didn't understand, did Carlisle think that I couldn't control myself around her, did he think nothing of the patience and restraint I had gained in my time with her. But the next word he thought to me cleared up all confusion. _Charlie!_ Charlie, of course. Charlie would accept Carlisle being here, especially if he saved her life, again. But seeing me, the boy that had broken her daughter's heart. Whether or not she had moved on, no father wanted to come face to face with the boy that was responsible for his daughter's pain.

I ran. I ran to the spot that was near enough to be with her in an instant, but far enough away to keep from arousing Charlie's suspicions. My meadow. Our meadow. As I sat in the sun, I tried not to think about what I had seen, but the images just kept pushing themselves to the front of my mind. The blood, the cuts, and the knife. I forced myself to try and think of another reason, a logical reason. She bought a cat and he scratched her on the arm sometimes and then she was using the knife to cut a sandwich and slipped when she heard me fall on the steps. Or, she had fallen down a flight of stairs and bruised her arms and then one started bleeding while she was in her room. _That doesn't explain the knife,_ the sick voice in the back of my head whispered. I put my head in my sparkling hands and tried to block out all thoughts.

Our- my meadow had been a stupid place to come. Memories of her were all over the place. "It was my meadow before it was _our_ meadow." I said to the swaying blades of grass. It didn't seem convinced and neither was I. My brooding was interrupted by the buzzing of my phone. I was mildly surprised I still had it. I carried it out of habit, most likely.

"Edward," Alice breathed into the phone. "You need to get down to the hospital where Carlisle used to work. Right now!" But her thoughts told the rest of the story. _Charlie is right behind me, the doctors, not Carlisle, say she'll be alright. I can't see anything about it. Take your time getting down here._

"Is everything alright?" I said. I didn't have to try very hard to sound worried.

"No, it's Bella. You know how I was coming down to visit her. Well Carlisle decided to drop me off, but we found her on the floor, bleeding." Alice's voice sounded scared and she added a whimper at the end of her statement. For Charlie's benefit no doubt. "Edward?" She sounded genuinely worried at my silence. I had been trying to listen to her thoughts, but she was just singing some words to a song in her head over and over again.

I ran and jumped into the nearest car. I was one hotwired car away from seeing her. Really seeing her, not holding her and having her snatched away moments later. That seemed how our whole time together had been. Snatches of time. A magical night together, and then the sun started to rise all too quickly. A nice lunch staring into one another's eyes, trying, unsuccessfully, to read one another's thoughts. The loud bell ringing too soon. I floored the pedal. Not caring if I ran over anyone. I had to get to Bella.

"Edward?" A very different voice was yelling at me now.

"Yes, Charlie," I said slowly.

"You need to calm down," he said. He wasn't Charlie, he was Officer Swan.

"What do you mean?" I spat, not caring if I was being rude.

"I can hear the accelerator in your car, you're exceeding the speed limit at a danger-" I snapped the phone shut and threw it in the backseat.

Too soon for anyone driving at a normal rate, I reached the hospital.

"What's going on?" I yelled at Alice.

"Well, Edward. You might want to sit down for this," The look I gave her kept her talking. "The doctor, not Carlisle, said Bella is demonstrating self-destructive qualities. She started cutting. But the thing is, you know how she is with blood. Well, she made herself sick. Throwing up, fainting and cutting, whenever Charlie wasn't home. She's malnourished and needs blood tr-"

"This is all your fault!" Charlie advanced on me his face was twisted in anger and hatred. "My little girl is in there dying because of you!" He put his face a hair's breadth away from mine and then he spat the worst accusation I ever heard, "If she dies it will be all your fault!

Instead of doing what the vampire part of me longed to do, break Charlie's neck, or what the human part of me, yell back, I dropped to my knees.

"Edward!" Alice cried.

I had taken away her life anyway. The whole point of my leaving was to save her, but I had only succeeded in hurting her worse. For now, she would die without her main reason, me. I shook my head, "No!" Alice tried to help me, tried to comfort me, but I was too far gone. Shudders racked my body, and then as if accepting the truth was a trigger, I was released from the pain that had burdened me for the past months. I started to cry.

The icy tears rolled down my cheeks and I didn't try to wipe them away. "I am so sorry, Charlie," I said. I didn't have to hear his thoughts to know that he was surprised by my apology. "I am so sorry."

Hours later, Bella was in the Intensive Care Unit. She hadn't yet awoken. I hadn't stopped crying. The tears came silently now as I watched her. I sat in the chair in front of the bed, Charlie sat in the chair next to her. The beeping of the monitor burned my ears. Every beep seemed to remind me that it was my fault that she was here. Beep beep beep. Edward left Edward left Edward left. I tried to turn away from her face, but I couldn't. The details that once held me with my amazement of their beauty, captured me with the beauty hidden behind the pain. The dark circles of sleepless nights surrounded her closed eyes. The bite marks of a girl trying to hold back sobs marred her perfect lips.

But there was a more haunting image than that of my beloved laying in the hospital bed. I tried to push the memory to the back of my mind. I closed my eyes, dragged them to the ceiling and then opened them again. I had already counted the dots on the ceiling. There were one hundred thousand, seven hundred and thirty two. But, as memories do, this one pushed its way to the front and with a fresh supply of tears I closed myself and saw my beloved's face when I had her in my arms in her room. Vacant, empty, and dead. I prayed to whatever God there was, that her body, her soul wouldn't follow suit.

If she had to die wasn't it better that she could "live" afterwards, and be happy. As I sat with my head in my hands I kept asking myself the question: Is it better for her to recieve kisses from the steel knife or silver kisses from me?

A/N: Wow this is really long! How was it? Bring on the flames. Should I continue or keep it a one shot? Tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I am so so so so so so so so so sorry about the wait for this next chapter. It was unexcusible. Please accept this new chapter with a plot twist as an apology gift. Thank you for all your awesome reviews. Please review more and to answer a question: I have decided to cut Edward a break and let him have a good cry. Oh and by the way...

I am not Stephanie Meyer, nor do I own Twilight or any of its characters. I am just evil and have taken them from her, but its not stealing it's borrowing without asking. Enjoy...

Pacing. I usually found it boring, monotonous, and futile. It was something used to pass time. And I, being immortal, didn't need to measure the way humans did. I'd found the need to tick away the minutes unnecessary, until I met Bella. _Bella. _It was getting easier to think her name. I hadn't said it yet. Bella's name echoed in my head from my thoughts and Charlie's thoughts. He sat in the wooden chair by Bella's bed. I had fidgeted in the one by the wall, but I realized that it would break if I wasn't careful. That's when I started to pace, for I was too agitated to be careful. I'd never before experienced this _restlessness_. I made me feel helpless. As if I was a marionette and fate was pulling the strings.

Charlie's thoughts were getting harder to ignore. He seemed to be screaming in his head. I sorted through the thoughts in his head, giving myself something to do instead of stare at the floor and listen to Bella's heartbeat and breathing. He was worried for Bella's well being, as he should be. He was apprehensive that he couldn't placate Renee. I almost laughed at that. Renee had been filled with so many emotions that Jasper had to leave. She had arrived a few hours after my family's flight landed. But the oddest of Charlie's trains of thought was his trying to determine his thoughts about me. He was angry, because I had put Bella in this situation. But he was also sympathetic towards my apparent distress. I tried to turn away from my image in his head, with tears streaming down my face.

Carlisle had tried to talk to me about my tears earlier.

"What do you think caused it?" Carlisle had asked me for the seventh time. Charlie and Renee hadn't yet arrived and Carlisle and I were sitting in Bella's room.

I sighed, putting my head in my hands, "I don't know." My tone may have bit a bit harsher than usual, but Carlisle ignored it.

"Well, tell me exactly what was said, what happened, what you felt," he asked.

"Charlie yelled at me. He said, _If she dies, it'll be all your fault_. And then I realized that he was right. I tired to protect her by staying with her, but then she got hurt, so I left to protect her, and she was hurt worse, even though she was hurting herself; by trying to protect her, I hurt her. And the next thing I knew, I was crying." I was beginning to be annoyed with Carlisle's presence. His talking and his thoughts almost drowned out Bella's heart and breath. After a look from Carlisle I'd continued with my story. "I felt as if for one second, the weight of the world, was lifted from my back and then, I was crying."

Carlisle was silent for a moment before speaking. "You told me yourself, Bella brought out your human qualities. Maybe cutting yourself off from Bella, cut off your human qualities that you said she awakened. Putting them back to sleep, so to speak. And once you saw her again, they were re-awakened... rather abruptly. So it makes sense that you were a bit overwhelmed..."

I had tuned him out as my eyes were glued to Bella's sleeping form.

Words from Charlie's mind brought me back to the present._ First he was staring at her like she would disappear if he looked away... scared Renee half to death he was so still...like a statue...Now he's acting like wearing a hole in the floor will wake her up_.

It had been nearly two days. 35 hours since I had fallen into the vat of her chocolate eyes. 35 hours since I'd seen her move. Nearly two days since I'd smelled _her_ blood. She hadn't yet started to smell like herself. More like chemicals and other blood. She'd needed so much medicine and so many transfusions. The cut in her wrist had spilled a lot of her blood. There were so many questions I had. Was Bella trying to kill herself? Was she really cutting herself? Was it my fault that she had almost bled to death? I lost myself in my eagerness to see her and I tripped. Was it my sudden noise that made the knife slip deeper than intended? I shook my head and forced my thoughts elsewhere. "Where is Renee?" I asked Charlie.

He looked around, obviously as perplexed as I was. "She went to get coffee." He explained, but once again, my ability to see into people's minds, informed me of the rest of the story. _With Phil. 20 minutes ago._ He stood up and with a long look at Bella, walked out saying, "I'm going to go help her. Come and find me if anything changes."

The sound of the closing door seemed to have a note of finality to it. My attention turned back to Bella. I leaned against the wall and watched her. And as I looked at her, the seconds ticked into minutes the minutes into hours. While I was staring at her, Charlie had walked in and stayed and finally left. I tried to memorize her face, but it pained me to see her like this. Frail. Fragile. Connected to wires and tubes and trapped in the jaws of something so much more menacing than sleep.

I stepped carefully towards her bed and occupied the seat that Charlie had vacated hours before. I reached for her hand and held it in mine. Her pale arm was covered with angry red scars. Some were healed. Some had obviously been made recently. Three were only just turning into scars. Her hand and fingers were limp and surprisingly cold. With an addictive need, I ran my fingers over each once familiar finger, crease in her hand, vein on her arm, but I shuddered as the perfect skin was torn by each scar.

I wanted to hug her to my chest and beg her forgiveness. But at the same time, I wanted to shake her for throwing her health away because of me. I needed to tell her that my heart belong to her but that she shouldn't take it. I wanted her, no, I needed her, and I hated myself for it.

"Hello Bella," Part of me expected her to respond. Part of me was disappointed.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I tried to imagine what she would say. But Bella was unpredictable. There were so many things she could say. So many things she _would _say. I decided to talk until she responded for herself.

"I feel horrible enough to die, but I am not worthy enough for death. And even if I was, I am too weak to accept it. If there is even half of an inkling of a possibility that you still love me, there would be no way that I could remove myself from this earth."

She was too still. Too quiet. I wanted my Bella back. _My_ Bella? She belonged to no one. Most certainly not to me. Not after I threw her away. But I didn't throw her away, I removed myself in the equation, only to find that I was not the factor that would cause the end to result in Bella's destruction.

I breathed in, expecting the addicting scent of Bella to fill my nose. But instead, medicine, blood, and- sedatives? I was overcome with the urge to explain to my silent angel why she was here.

"Your vein split... from the knife," I sighed, the questions running through my head needed to be answered by a conscious Bella, not an unresponsive shell. I winced at my choice of thoughts. Shell. That's what I had thought of when I saw the blank expression on her face, the deadness in her eyes. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" I asked her.

She still didn't respond.

"If only I had reached you sooner. I could have stopped you," I tried to determine how the scene would have played, had I run into her room to find her without a knife, but I was stumped by a certain obstacle, "Would you have wanted to see me? And _why_ do you regard me important enough to hurt yourself due to my absence? I am a monster. A _monster_," I could feel the anger rising within me, but I didn't hear it in my tone until I said _monster_. But I didn't want to stand. Instead I eased myself on the bed next to her. "Why can't you understand that?" I whispered.

She was so still. She was so small. Smaller than last time I'd seen her, disregarding when I found her in her room. She seemed to wither away beneath her covers. Nothing but skin and bone, figuratively. She was paler than usual. I turned my attention back to her hand. Looking at each scar. Even a small crescent shaped one in her palm. The scar that James had given her.

Again, I wondered if Bella would be better off if she were like my family and myself. I pushed the thought out of my head and told her, "Were you hurting as much as I?" A lump rose in my throat, and I couldn't speak. So, ignoring the sick irony of the situation, I watched her sleep. Her chest rose and fell with and enchanting rhythm. She just layed there. My stony angel. She was stone with or without my venom. The sheer thought was enough to make me weep. I waited for the tears to fall down my cheeks. Nothing. I shuddered as my anger bubbled back and clenched my hands forgetting momentarily that her hand was in mine. She was used to be so warm.

A weak groan sounded in her throat.

"Bella," I said slowly. As I looked at her pale face. I once again cursed the strange block, that kept me outside of her mind.

She was silent but her eyes opened. My heart soared, until I read her expression. her face was strangely blank, but her eyes were wide with surprise, shock, and- pain? Her expression reminded me of when I grabbed her in her room. Just as before, she seemed partly detached and numb. Then the deep brown windows to her soul closed. And after she hissed a sharp breath, almost a gasp, they were open again and they were glassy with tears. I could feel the tension in the air. I thought I could wait for her to speak but as I found before, I was not myself wherever Bella was concerned. My longing for her had shattered the patience I had spent over a century learning.

"Bella," I said again.

Still, she was silent. I tried to interpret her silence, but her eyes were closed tight and her hands were clenched into fists.

"I'm sorry, I-"

Her eyes opened and turned to the ceiling. I tried to continue, but she inhaled in a gasp again.

"Bella, are you in pain? I can go get a nurse if you-"

A tear rolled sideways down her face.

"Bella, I-"

She turned her face away and closed her eyes again.

"I can leave if you want me to, "I cringed as the reluctance leaked through my voice. Even my body didn't want to leave her. I stepped stiffly away from the bed. "Bye Bella," I reached for her small pale fist, but she withdrew it from my reach and placed her hand over hear heart. I took it as a symbol of heartache. Swallowing a dry-sob, I walked towards the door, slowly.

"Edward," she gasped.

I ran to the bed, I couldn't help myself. She had said my name. Chills ran through me. She shuddered but for what reason, I couldn't tell. "Bella," I whispered.

"Edw-" she started to repeat my name, but gasped as a similar shudder shook her. This time, though, she kept shaking. The wail of the alarms coming from the machines connected to her were loud in contrast to the uncomfortable silence that had strangled the room for so long.

The door opened and nurses and Carlisle ran in. His thoughts screamed at me. _Edward! Get out of here! Right now!_ I was stunned, confused, by the worry and urgency in his thoughts.

Twenty minutes later, Carlisle came to talk to me. I couldn't speak, the lump in my throat had returned.

"Edward... she was seizing," Carlisle said simply. I didn't know what my expression looked like, but it prompted Carlisle to keep going. "She had a seizure and-"

I knew that pause. I recognized the silence of his thoughts. It was the silence before earth shattering news was delivered. The pause before news that one wouldn't like.

Carlisle started over after a deep breath, "She had a seizure and we don't know why."

My assumptions had been right. I didn't like the news and my earth did shatter.

A/N: Thank you for reading. Sorry again about the time it took to update. It won't happen again. Gives readers over-detailed Bella and Edward shaped cookies


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: As promised, I have updated, on Saturday, June 5th. I cannot apologize enough for the delay. If you really need an explanation go ahead and check my bio. But enough with my chatter, so continues the story.

Anger is red.

Sadness is blue.

I don't own Bella, the Swans, the Coven, the Pack, the Volturi, or Forks.

So you can't sue.

Technically, Stephanie Meyer doesn't own Forks either.

That makes me feel a little better.

She was awake. Bella was finally awake. Her steady breathing and heart beat were music to my ears. I sat on the foot of her bed watching her and silently willing her to do something. She'd been lying still for _hours_. She wasn't sleeping, talking, eating, watching TV, or doing anything. She was completely stoic. Of, course when Charlie and Renee had been in the room, she was active. She responded to questions, and a weak smile crossed her face at Phil's attempts at humor. But after they left to go to Charlie's house, she sank into apathy. Perhaps it was because of my presence. It pained me to even consider the thought, so I turned my thoughts away from the subject. But even as I searched my memory of the day's events I knew that I would drag my thoughts back to the angel lying fragile and broken on the bed before me.

The odd silence that filled the room was strangely suffocating. I waited for Bella to break it and it seemed she was waiting for me to do so as well. While the silence grew and stretched to the farthest corners of the room, my ears pined for her voice. I _needed_ to hear my name leave her lips. My eyes ran over her face, it looked even paler than before. The circles under her eyes were darker, and the scars glowed with a sinister redness in comparison to her pale arm. I hissed involuntarily as I looked at the marks, and she looked at me for the first time since she'd awoken.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I started without thinking. "I thought that leaving would be better for you. I thought it would make you safer."

She blinked and the pain in her eyes became evident. Her lip quivered and she whispered with a frail voice, "I'm sorry."

I was flooded with confusion, "Why, Bella, are you apologizing? I am fully to blame. If I had never left you wouldn't have-" I stopped. I couldn't bring myself to say _slit your wrists_. "You wouldn't be here," I finished lamely.

She was shaking her head, "I broke my promise," she muttered.

"Bella," I sighed. I crawled closer to her and winced at the caution in her eyes. I lay next to her so we were facing each other, but not touching. "Isabella Marie Swan, will you ever forgive me?"

"If you can forgive me," she said quietly.

I sighed, and she closed her eyes as my breath hit her face. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly. The skin on her face stretched as if a smile was a foreign thing. I realized with a pang of guilt that it probably was. It is a strange thing being tortured by one's guilt while marveling in the loveliest smile of content that one caused. The smile I had missed so much made my dead heart jump. I was overcome with the desire to give her a real smile, not just a weak grin. I wanted to _dazzle_ her, as she called it. I gently grabbed her hand and felt my granite skin tingle at the unexpected warmth. I traced the lines on her palm with my fingers. I moved up her arm and traced the path of the veins underneath her smooth skin. I smiled as a sigh escaped her; I still had the same effect on her. Maybe she did still love me, as I loved her. I drew lazy circles on her arm with two fingers, and she relaxed. As she did so, I realized the full extent of her stiffness. My fingers dragged upwards and she relaxed further. My hand tightened on her arm and moved to her shoulder. I pushed her up and slipped behind her and reached to massage her shoulders. My fingers itched for the strange warmth that she gave them. My nose yearned for the sweet scent of the blood trickling through her veins, although the scents chemicals and medicine and other blood still swirled within her. Suddenly she stiffened, as did I.

"Edward," she whispered sending chills up my spine, "Stop."

I could feel my eyebrows furrowing. _I know, I lost myself for a moment, but I still had control_. My thoughts screamed indignantly. But I stayed silent to listen to Bella.

"Edward," she whimpered, a tear rolling down her face," If you-" she stopped and paused. A familiar desire to be able to hear her thoughts bubbled in my chest, but I kept from speaking out as she opened her mouth. "If I get too comfortable," she continued, "It'll hurt more when you leave again. And Edward, if I have to go through worse pain- I'll... I won't be able to survive. When you left the first time, I almost... So please, just make it easier for me to brace myself and stop."

"Bella," I started, "I'm not going to leave again." And as I said it, I knew it was true. "There is now way I would turn away now that I've seen your face, and gazed into your beautiful brown eyes. Now that I've touched your soft skin and stroked your hair. And I couldn't walk away now that I've smelled the enticing blood underneath your skin. The only way I would leave you, was if you were to turn me

away." I stopped, waiting for her to admit that she didn't want me to stay.

"I don't want-" she sniffled. I cringed as she started over, "I don't want you to stay just because you feel guilty. It's my own fault that I'm here-" She trailed off.

I wanted to placate her, but I was too curious, "Bella, what happened- after I left?" She gulped weakly and turned her face away. But I reached over to pull her face back to me. "I- I've been without your face for so long, don't make the absence longer."

"I knew I was dreaming," Bella muttered.

"Dreaming?" I asked.

She shook her head slowly. Her exhaustion showed in her face as she leaned her head on my shoulder. "Never mind." she breathed.

I considered pressing the matter, but decided against it. There was another question eating away at my concentration. I lifted her hand and traced the scars on her arm with my finger. "Where did these scars come from, Bella?"

I could feel her tense against me. "I made them myself," she answered slowly.

I closed my eyes as the guilt crashed over me. "Why? Bella-"

"When you left... it hurt so bad... and then I couldn't remember what you looked like, or at least my memories didn't do you justice." I understood the feeling, remembering the many times I closed my eyes to see a cheap imitation of Bella. "And then the pictures in my photo album were gone. Every thing about you was disappearing. It seemed like the pain of you being gone was the only thing I had left. So, when the pain started to go away a little... I couldn't take it." She spoke as I played with her fingers. Her voice sounded far away, and I didn't want to jar her back to reality by interrupting her.

"So I made my own pain," she struggled to explain as if I wouldn't understand or accept her explanation if she didn't get it right. I wanted to tell her that that wasn't the case, but I didn't want to interrupt her. "And then when I started... it," it seemed she couldn't say _cutting_ any more than I could. "I heard you, talking to me." It was becoming apparent in her voice and the slurring in her words that she was tired.

"Talking to you," I repeated slowly.

She wiggled in my arms to assess my expression. "Yeah," she said carefully. "You told me not to hurt myself." Seeming content with what she gathered from my face, she snuggled back into me.

I started to tell her that the same thing happened to me, when the succulent smell of her blood filled the room. "Bella?" I asked with concern.

"Hmm?" she turned her face towards me. A small stream of blood flowed from her nose.

I reeled back instinctively. Horror and disappointment filled Bella's eyes and she pulled herself closer to me. It had been so long since I had been around her, I had underestimated the power and the scent of her blood. I had forgotten the measures that I needed to take before getting close to her. Her blood splattered onto my shirt and somehow she still wasn't aware of it. Blood then began to ooze out of her ear. My eyes rolled with pleasure. Now that her blood was running free, she smelled so much more like herself. I leaned closer just to get a whiff, at least that's what I told myself.

I shook myself mentally and leaned away from her. Bella was in trouble, I should page a nurse. Before she bled out. Yes, that was the correct thing to do. But another part of me was whispering horrible things in my head. _Just a taste_. I was tempted. _You'll be able to stop_. I should be able to. _You will_. I will. But it's _Bella_. My Bella. _She won't be able to stop you from tasting. _Before I could stop myself, I was leaning in towards her bloody nose.

"Edward?" she whimpered, she had noticed the blood.

I barely heard her. The part of me that did wasn't significant enough to make me stop. I said nothing. I could not wait to satisfy the thirst that her presence triggered. I saw the fear in her eyes before I closed my eyes. Finally, my tongue came in contact with her blood.

It was an explosion of taste. No, it was more than _taste. _It was as if her blood bottled happiness, love, and all of the amazing feelings in the world. I wanted more. The one drop wasn't enough. Any reason I had had was gone. It didn't matter who the girl was. I needed her blood.

Then I was flying across the room. My instincts took over. I had to return to my prey. I snapped up and growled. "Mine!" I spat. I ran towards her, teeth bared, prepared to growl and snap at anything close.

"Edward!" I heard a familiar voice scream before I was shoved outside of the room.

A face loomed in my vision and a stone arm stopped me from moving. Slowly as the remnants of the taste faded, and as I couldn't smell it, my reason returned. "Emmett?" I said thickly.

"Got him!" he called to someone. Alice. Or perhaps Esme. Either way, I didn't want to face the disappointment in their eyes that I saw growing in Emmett's.

My family's thoughts filled my head like a low annoying buzz. With their thoughts came shame. I had been with Bella for less than a week, and here I was hurting her- again. Was I ever going to learn? I had believed that I could control myself, yet I had succumbed to temptation._  
_

Emmett still had me pinned to the wall. I wasn't about to ask him to release me, Bella's blood still called to me. I turned my head towards the open doorway from which the scent was wafting. Alice raised a sharp eyebrow and closed the door. _Edward, you need to snap out of it! There's something you need to hear! _

The frantic voice in her thoughts immediately worried me. "What's going on?" I asked.

"Carlisle is Bella's doctor now," Emmett said simply.

I searched for Carlisle's thoughts to answer some of the questions in my head. _The other doctor's in the hospital believe that I am the best choice to handle Bella's case, _he thought.

"Case?" I asked, horrified, "You mean, they still don't know what's wrong with her?"

_No,_ Carlisle admitted.

I pushed against Emmett's arm. He released me nervously, and I once again began pacing. My path was often blocked by the nurses scurrying in and out of her room. My thoughts were reeling. What could cause seizing and spontaneous bleeding? What other symptoms did she have that I hadn't noticed?

"Carlisle?" I said softly, in case anyone was listening.

_Yes,_ Carlisle answered inside my head.

"What's going to happen?" I asked quickly. I was painfully aware of the desperation in my voice, but I didn't try to hide it.

_If we don't- or, if _I_ don't figure out what is wrong... she'll die._ He was using the voice that I assumed he often used with the families of patients as he delivered bad news.

I ran towards Alice, stopping mere centimeters in front of her, "What do you see?" I growled angrily. Bella couldn't die. She couldn't. I wouldn't allow it.

She looked away from my face, as if she couldn't handle what she saw in my expression. "If- _if­_- Carlisle can't find what's wrong with Bella-" she trailed off. "Edward," she started again. This time her voice had a pleading quality to it. She was begging me to understand. "We won't let her die."

"Of course not," I said automatically, "Carlisle will-"

"No," she said shaking her head, "That's not what I mean. _We_ won't let her _die_. We're, or you're, going to change her if it comes to that."

I shook my head franticly. "No," I whispered harshly. "It can't be like that, she has to _live_." I had to explain to Alice. "She can't be- not before- not now. No!" I didn't want her to have to conform to this existence. She shouldn't have to hide from the sun, kill things to survive, or deceive her family and friends.

I sank into a chair, dumbstruck. From a logical standpoint I could see that it was the only thing to do. If I didn't want her to die, then she should be immortal. But I didn't want her to be a monster. I wanted her to be human. I wanted her to be warm, filled with laughter, and _alive_. I glanced at the door, behind which was a very cold, empty, and near-dead, Bella. What would she be like if she was like my family? Would she be like Bella or like the impostor laying in the hospital bed?

"Alice," I croaked. I was surprised to find her in the seat next to me.

"Yes, Edward," she said softly. She was playing with a hole in the fabric of her seat. Her fingers moved with an almost hypnotic rhythm. I watched them for a moment.

"When did you see that?" I asked carefully. I hadn't heard anything in her thoughts before about that. Then again, I hadn't made much contact with my family during the last few months.

"As soon as you were in her house. I saw you finding her, the way you did, that's when I told Carlisle." I felt her eyes on my face, but I refused to meet her gaze. "When we got down here, I saw all these things going wrong."

I interrupted her, "Did you see what was causing-"

"No, I just saw all of the things Carlisle would have to do to treat her." She stopped, I said nothing. She continued as if I needed more explanation, "Because, they decided that they would treat her."

"What's going to happen to her next?" I asked, realizing she said _all these things_ and not just _this_. I heard her thoughts before she asked the question. "Yes, I do want to know."

"I really hate when you do that," she muttered. "Cardiac arrest, that's what's going to happen next."

Her words stabbed me in the chest. "When?" I whispered.

"Tomorrow morning," she said studying my face. "Around three."

Carlisle stepped out of Bella's room. Several nurses filed out behind him. It was disturbing to hear that none of his nurses were thinking about Bella. Their thoughts were admiring, different parts of Carlisle. My disgust must have shown on my face, for Carlisle smiled a little, but I could tell it was forced. _Sorry, Edward._

"Is she awake?" I asked him as I rose stiffly from my chair.

"Yes," he said. He silenced his thoughts. My eyebrow rose, but I didn't ask Carlisle any questions.

When I walked in the room, Bella's bed was positioned so she was sitting up. Gauze lined her ear and nose. There were still dark shadows underneath her eyes, but they were beginning to fade. Her skin seemed, if possible, even paler than before. I forced myself not to look at her arm.

She turned to me as I sat down next to her bed. She smiled weakly, "Hi," she greeted me meekly.

"Hello, Bella." I said quickly, "I want to apologi-"

But she stopped me, "It's fine. It's okay."

"It's okay?" I asked incredulously. "I lost control; I tasted your blood. If Emmett hadn't-"

She interrupted me again, "It's been a while since you enjoyed the bouquet. It's only natural for you to go for the wine," she whispered, using my old metaphor.

"How can you be so forgiving?" I asked, staring at her in wonder.

"There's nothing to forgive," she sighed.

I looked pointedly at the I.V. in her arm, the hospital bed in which she was sitting, and hissed, "Look at what my presence has done to you. Every time you've gotten hurt or been in danger, it's been because of me."

Bella's face fell. "That's what you said before," she whispered. "I _knew_ you were going to leave again."

"I'm not going to leave again," I assured her. "I just don't want you to be so..." I struggled for a word. "So... understanding," I finished.

"What?" Bella asked, "You want me to scream at you?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"Throw things?" she continued.

"Please," I begged.

"Tell you to go away?" she asked. It was obvious in her voice that she was going to do none of these things.

"I want you to make me beg for your forgiveness," I demanded. "Because that is exactly what I deserve to do. I don't deserve you, Bella. Yet you take me anyway. Please, don't lower yourself by allowing me to return without so much as a tongue lashing." I said wildly.

"Tongue lashing?" she giggled.

I gazed at her and realized that this argument could continue forever. We were both too stubborn for our own good. I hummed her lullaby until she fell asleep. And this time when she slept, she talked. At first it seemed she was having a nightmare. She kept saying 'Come back!' and 'No!'. After a few minutes, I realized she was remembering the night when I said good-bye to her at the edge of the forest. My heart ached. I had been a fool. I had left her, but if she would take me back, I wouldn't do it again. Ever. Finally, after several minutes, her face relaxed and she whispered my name. It sent shivers up and down my spine as she said it again. And again. And yet again.

"I love you, Edward," she said.

"I love you too, Bella," I answered.

A/N: I think that's the longest chapter yet. Well, you all deserved it. Sorry, it took me a minute to find my style for Edward. But once I got into it, I think it turned out okay. Flame on!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I am not Stephanie Meyer. I do not own Twilight. I would, if I could. But I can't. So I won't.

As Alice predicted, Bella's heart had accelerated to an extremely dangerous level. Just when the nurses entered the room, an extended beep emitted from the EKG. She didn't wake when it happened. The nurses and Carlisle brought the paddles and shocked her back to life, and then she drifted back to sleep. I sat with her throughout the ordeal and the rest of the night. But Alice reminded me I had to go home to change before Charlie arrived.

It was around noon. Half an hour earlier, Alice had brightly suggested that we all get something to eat. As a group we trudged down to the cafeteria. I looked around at everyone. Esme was leaning against the wall with her arms folded across her chest. Although her gaze was directed out the window, her thoughts were with Bella. I turned away from her frail image in Esme's head. Alice was leaning against Jasper's shoulder. Both had carefully arranged their faces to resemble various states of exhaustion. Alice was, of course, worried for Bella. But Jasper's thoughts were with Renee. Upon hearing about the events of the night, Renee had burst into tears and run from the waiting room. Phil took off after her, and neither had been seen since. It seemed that Jasper was rather relieved at her absence. Every time she entered the hospital, she had so many emotions, and jumped through them, back and forth between them, and had so many combinations of them, that Jasper was affected. Considering the situation, Renee's emotional state was completely understandable. Something being understandable, though, didn't make it any easier for Jasper to handle. Rosalie and Emmett had left to 'go get some sleep'. Charlie sat at the table quietly glaring at the cup of coffee in his hand.

I sat in a chair in between Alice and Charlie. I was once again overcome with restlessness. I had passed the time by drumming my fingers on the table. But I had stopped once Alice started thinking about where she was going to stick my fingers if I didn't quit. Now, I sufficed for delving into thoughts of random passersby.

The most interesting person to read was a young girl sitting alone at a table. After a few seconds of her thoughts, I was captured. She was reading aloud in her head. It was something I'd never read before, and the voice which with she read was so expressive and captivating, it made it hard not to listen.

_As he approached his Ford Explorer, he noticed a rectangle of white paper under the driver's-side windshield wiper. Behind the steering wheel, with his door still open, he unfolded the paper, expecting to find a handbill of some kind, advertising a car wash or a maid service. He discovered a neatly typed message:_

_If you don't take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police, I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours._

_Billy didn't at that instant feel the world tilt under him, but it did. The plunge had not yet begun but-_

Alice's voice interrupted my 'reading', "Edward!" she hissed.

I snapped my head in her direction. "Yes," I said sharply.

Her eyebrows raised at my tone. "Did you hear anything I said?" she asked incredulously.

"No," I said pointedly.

She sighed in exasperation. In her head she was saying my name with mock shame and commenting on my mediocre listening skills. I was about to turn back to the girl's book when she started speaking again. "Let's go back upstairs," she whined.

"Fine," I snapped. Without waiting for the rest of the group I stormed out of the cafeteria. I hadn't meant to snap at Alice, but I was tired of waiting. And finally when I'd found something that could help me escape from the status quo, she interrupted me. I didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts. I didn't even want to be inside my head. My memories kept torturing me. It was _my_ fault that Bella cut herself, but why had she attempted to end her life? I was again confronted with the idea that when I had tripped over the step, she jumped and cut herself too deep. Anger welled up inside of me. I moved faster, to get to Bella's room. I planned to burst through the door and talk some sense into her, but as soon as I got there, I deflated.

Instead of rudely breaking down the door, I knocked gently. "Bella?" I called quietly.

I heard her mutter, "Come in." So I did.

She was laying in bed, of course. The shadows under her eyes had almost completely faded. And while her skin had regained a little of its former color, there was a note of sorrow in her eyes. She seemed to be searching my face for something as I was searching hers.

"What is it?" we both asked simultaneously. Neither of us smiled.

"You first," I insisted.

"The counselor was just here," she said after a slight hesitation. "He informed me that I'm on suicide watch. So, I can't go home for a while." Before I could respond she muttered, "Assuming, I make it out of this."

"He said that?" I growled.

"No," Bella said, dropping her eyes to her arm, "But he didn't have to. Edward, none of this happened last time."

"Last time?" I breathed. "You were hospitalized for _this_ before?"

"No," Bella said quickly. "I'm talking about after James attacked me. I needed blood. Remember?" I did. All to well. "And, I didn't seize after I'd gotten it. Nor did I have a heart attack. But I am now. Something's different. And I don't think that I'll-"

"Don't," I growled. She looked up at me sharply. I turned my eyes to the scars on her arm. "Don't say it."

"Not saying it isn't going to stop it," she countered.

"You are not going to die," I assured her struggling on the last word.

She glared at me, but didn't argue the matter any further. After a tense silence, she changed the subject. "What was it that you wanted to say?"

I hesitated. I didn't want to fight with Bella, but I really wanted to know. Eventually, my curiosity won over. "_Were_ you trying to kill yourself?" I asked carefully.

She closed her eyes. "Edward." She said my name in a way that informed me she didn't want me to answer. "Have you ever been in a position where you were living just so people wouldn't have to see you dead? Have you ever been so miserably unhappy that you felt like you didn't deserve a spot on the earth?" She didn't let me answer, and I didn't interrupt. Once again, it felt like Bella just needed to talk it out. I lowered myself into the chair and let her continue.

"I hated the pain, but I _needed_ it at the same time. Then I saw how I was affecting everyone else. Charlie and Renee were going insane trying to make me feel better. But I couldn't feel better, and when anyone tried, it just made it worse. Everyone at school was- well, they just kind of... or I just kind of..." She trailed off, searching for the right words to explain. But her search was unnecessary.

I was hit by how similar her feelings had been to mine. At one point, I felt that I was only living so Esme wouldn't be so upset. My main reason for existing was gone and it tore me apart. My family had tried to make me feel better, Tanya had tried to keep me busy, yet it only succeeded in making me feel worse. I felt like my depression was contaminating everyone. So I left. I had thought about ending my life, but Bella's voice kept me from doing it. That reminded me of what Bella had said before and I was about to question her, but she began to speak again.

"No, I wasn't trying to kill myself," she said quietly. "I thought about it," she admitted. "But I couldn't. Not when I remembered our- or my- promise."

"Then why-" I started.

"Because," Bella answered my unasked question, "I heard Charlie come in and my hand shot up too fast."

I buried my face in my hands. So it _was_ my tripping over the top step that put her in this mess. I dimly heard Bella calling my name. I removed my hands from my face when her warm fingers pulled at them. I looked up into her beautiful brown eyes that were filled with questions. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"It wasn't Charlie coming home that you heard," I groaned. "It was me. I was coming to check on you; just to see how you were doing. Now that I think about it, it would have been smarter to have checked through the window, but I hadn't been thinking that day. I just wanted to see you." I looked away from the accusation that was bound to be boiling in her eyes. "I got so excited about the possibility of seeing you, that I tripped over the top step. And then you-"

"Wait a second," she interrupted me. "You mean you came back."

"Yes, Bella," I rushed. "And I'm sorry. I know that I promised that I would never interfere again but the need to see you was consuming me. And I-"

"Hold on, I think I'm having an epiphany here." She was silent for an excruciatingly long minute. During that minute, I resisted the urge to beg her to tell me what she was thinking. Finally, she spoke. "You came back- without hearing that I was in the hospital?" I nodded. "You came back! You wanted to see me?" I nodded again. "You do love me!" she whispered, as if just realizing it.

I sighed, "Yes, Bella, I do. I love you very, very, very much. But I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you at all."

I saw the disagreement in her, but she changed the subject. "So... what now?" Bella asked slowly.

"Now," I answered, "I ask you for your forgiveness, yet again." She rolled her eyes dramatically. "I can beg, if you like."

Again, she rolled her eyes. But my guilt still ate away at me. I kept it from showing on my face, but no matter how much she told I was forgiven, I would never forgive myself. Never. It was then that I remembered our surroundings. I had put her in the hospital- again. My mood sobered instantly, and Bella noticed. Minutes later, a nurse entered the room. I excused myself on the pretense of getting food.

As I closed the door I heard the nurse's thoughts _...Linda was right, he _is _cute... So sad that he won't follow in his father's footsteps... Afraid of blood... Heard he passed out and had to be carried out of the room when she started bleeding._

I couldn't cork my exploding laughter. It boomed loud and long, surprising my family, Charlie, Renee, and Phil, as I entered the waiting room. Alice looked up at me with questioning eyes but I simply shook my head as my chuckles quieted.

I impatiently watched the door, for the nurse's exit. My thoughts in the room with Bella as I tapped my foot against the floor. I saw her door fly open and I began to rise from my chair. I stopped suddenly when the alarms reached my ears. Instead of the nurse filing out calmly, several nurses, Carlisle and another doctor ran in the room. I turned to glare at Alice, only to find an empty chair. Renee's face drained of all color and she leaned heavily on Phil. Phil pulled her into a tight embrace. I glanced at Charlie who was also extremely pale. Upon seeing the grief that this was causing Bella's family, I was reminded that it was my fault.

After a while, Charlie and Renee went into Bella's room and I made a motion to follow but Alice stopped me. "They just want some time with her." _Before it's too late_, she finished in her head. I nodded slowly and went back to tapping my foot.

When Charlie and Renee came out, their thoughts were so similar it was impossible to tell who was thinking what. _Her skin is yellow. Her eyes are bloodshot. She's so frail. Weak. She's not Bella. _I knew what to make of it, but I refused to think about it. I wished Carlisle would come out and say he found a magical cure for all of her problems. The sinister voice in the back of my mind whispered, _There is one. You just have to change her._ I shook the thought out of my head like an annoying fly.

Hours later, Carlisle came out to speak to the family. He looked steadily at Charlie and Renee, "Something went wrong with the blood transfusion," he began. "Contaminated blood entered her system and her body reacted badly to it."

"Yeah," I snapped impatiently. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, but I didn't care.

"Her organs are rejecting the blood."

"Wha- What does that mean?" Renee stammered.

"Her organs are refusing to work because of the blood," Carlisle clarified.

"So, get new blood!" Renee demanded.

"There's no more of her blood type in the hospital's blood bank," Carlisle said in a low voice.

Renee wailed hysterically and Phil wrapped his arms around her, muffling her sobs against his chest. I turned away from their somber embrace.

"So, what are we going to do?" Charlie asked. It was obvious from his strangled tone that he was afraid to hear the answer.

"I have requested her blood type from neighboring hospitals and blood banks. If we hear something from them soon, then she'll be fine." Carlisle said slowly.

"How much time do we have before she won't be fine?" I asked after a short silence.

"Not long. Two days," Carlisle said slowly, "Maybe less." The pain was evident in his eyes, his voice, and the way he turned and walked down the hallway.

_Edward_, I heard Alice call to me with her thoughts. But I ignored them as I followed Carlisle down the hallway. He turned and looked all the world like a doctor who had seen too many tragedies.

"Carlisle," I breathed.

"Yes," he answered.

"If she's ready, I'm ready."

I didn't have to explain myself. He nodded and said, "I'll make the arrangements." He ran his fingers through his hair and turned away. His sneakers squeaking as the traversed down the hallway.

I watched him for a moment. The moment stretched into a minute. A minute turned into two minutes. Even after Carlisle turned a corner, I stared at the spot on the wall on the other side of the hallway. Finally, I turned towards the door and knocked quietly. "Bella?" I called.

"Come in," she answered with a hollow voice. So I did.

A/N: And that's where I'm going to end it. Just kidding! I know, I'm a horrible person. Again I apologize for any changes you may notice in the writing style. That book that Edward was 'reading' was _Velocity _by Dean Koontz, by the way. Flame on! No, seriously, comments, criticism, and tips, are greatly appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm pretty sure this will be the finale. It's going to be mainly dialouge. And it's going to be kind of short. So, if you don't like that type of thing, I suggest you hit the little red X in the upper right hand corner of your screen. No, I'm just joking. So, on with the story.

Stephanie Meyer created everything that I am playing with. This little paragraph is supposed to protect me from anyone suing me, or something. Which is good, because I can't go to court- again. Just Kidding! No, seriously, Stephanie Meyer is the artist, I'm just using her paint.

Bella had a blank expression on her face which I knew no amount of comforting or sobbing would remove it. I was lost for words as her eyes fell on me. The expressions behind her eyes were impossible to read. After searching my face, she turned her head to the side.

"So, you heard?" I started lamely.

"Yes," Bella said quietly, "Now I hate to say _I told you so, _but-"

"What!?" I snapped.

"Well," Bella reasoned, "I did tell you that I wasn't going to-"

"How can you joke about this?" I asked incredulously.

Bella shrugged, but I could see the tightness in her eyes. "I've been in worse situations."

And they've all been my fault, I finished in my head. She snapped her head to my direction, as if she heard my thoughts. "But there won't be a vampire to pull me out of this will there?" She asked carefully.

I looked at her. Her brown eyes trying to hide some feeling she didn't want me to know. As I looked at her, I was reminded of how much I loved her. I wanted her to be with me forever. There was only one way that that could happen. I would choose this. It was the most sensible, considering past events, and the current situation. It seemed like everyone in the universe was trying to pull Bella and myself apart. I wanted _her. _But, I wanted her to be more durable. I wanted to stop being careful around her. And that fueled my drive more than anything.

I met her curious eyes and answered. "If you want a vampire to pull you out of this, I will."

"I would very much like that," she said with a sigh. She wiggled under her covers attempting to find a comfortable position.

The next day, I sat with her. I took her hand and she assured me that she was ready. Hours later, the buzz of the hospital had been wiped away, replaced by the comfortable silence of my room in Tanya's house. I leaned over and whispered. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward," she breathed back.

And then my lips crashed with hers. Our kiss was deep, but not long. She breathed heavily and I not at all. And then all too soon she fell back against her pillow, exhausted. "It's so tiring to die," she joked. Her joke earned her a long glare from me.

I moved my lips down to her throat. She shivered with pleasure. Or was it apprehension?

Then I bit her. She was still, until the pain started to spread. She writhed and squirmed, her face a mask of agony. She tried to stay quiet, even though I assured her it was alright to scream. I sat with her for the entire three days.

**A FEW WEEKS LATER...**

"Edward?" Bella asked curiously after a minute of silence.

"Yes, love," I answered.

"How was my funeral?" she asked. I could hear the tension in her voice.

I found I couldn't answer. I didn't want to trouble her with the tiny details. Such as, I thought of nothing but returning to her once it was over. Or rather, her father put a hand on my shoulder and told me he was glad I came back before she died. But what I really didn't want to tell her was that I wish I could have spoken. But I knew that I wouldn't have been able to act sad enough, for I was going home to the girl over whom we were mourning. I turned to her and whispered, "It would have been better if you were there."

She chuckled, and then exploded with laughter. I joined in, and our laughs harmonized with one another. I closed my eyes comfortably, and she wiggled in the crook of my arm. And that was how we stayed. Two stony statues deeply in love with one another.

**FIN**

A/N: There you go. That's it. Please review. Cascadia out!s


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